mrs tool man

MRS TOOL MAN
I don’t think I’ve covered this before in its own article, but if I have you’ll need to forgive me.  When I first started writing twenty five years ago, writers block was a daily occurrence.  Since I was still unsure it was what I wanted to devote my life to in my free time, I used that as an excuse to write very little and not very often.  Once I was sure I wanted to woo the world with my prose, and I both applied myself and got enough practice in to overcome a subject matter eluding me, I could then devote nearly the next decade and a half to vomiting a prodigious volume of words.  Of course, every time I entered a period of a deficit of article/subject ideas, I panicked and worried I would be hit with my old inabilities.  Writers block can be blocked, mostly, by good habits, but it still is ready to strike at any time.   I’ve been going through a patch lately, and while I swear this is worse than any other time, I’m sure I told myself that on other occasions.  So, even if I’ve covered this before, at more than singular paragraph length, it is better than me throwing up my hands in frustration and declaring a no-work holiday.

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“War And Peace And War” is a kick ass book on the rise and fall of empires.  I’ve ready it several times and have decided it is one of those books you keep coming back to, such as the dog to his vomit ( you kind of have to feel sorry for canines.  They have absolutely no shame and will lick ass and or balls in front of God and everybody.  They get well fed and well loved, but then must sacrifice their lives at the first sign of danger, which in one respect is no better than a turkey being fattened up.  They can’t do simple things like keep eye buggers from bothering them.  And their idea of tasty TV treats are other dogs turds or a steaming pile of puke ).  The slowest chapter of the book is, conversely, one of its most important.  Some Arabian dude back like a millennium-back when Arab dudes knew advanced mathematics and used a zero instead of a crap ton of weird X’s or V’s and were anything other than camel humping sad sacks like today-wrote a book on the decline of empires himself.

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Remember, a thousand years ago, give or take, this was written.  A large part of what he said was, simply, an empire falls from decadence.  A barbarian king, practiced in low resource martial arts, takes over a place ruled by soft and lazy bastards who have allowed their military to contract due to lack of finances or other reasons ( such as, the population is soft and lazy and can’t be bothered to help defend the borders ).  Then, over time, the former barbarian’s heirs follow in the footsteps of those he conquered and are in turn overthrown ( we just discussed a similar book by a Brit written eighty or so years ago-can you guess where he got his ideas from? ).  The moral of the story of course is that marshmallow men get their asses kicked.  Which should be pretty obvious and self explanatory but seems to not be applied when a society is viewed rather than an individual.  One reason for this is that we ourselves are soft and lazy and will shortly be overcome by barbarians.

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The barbarian part we all see clearly-no murky crystal ball there.  How else is the stereotypical Black race rioting or biker gang town terrorizing such a staple of doomer fiction?  But nobody seems to see that the reason that fear so ingrained in us is that we are a bunch of lazy sods ( hat tip to one of the worlds best bands-The Sex Pistols.  Sid was probably partially so self destructive as he rejected both the fame and the society bestowing it.  Or, I’m being too analytical and he was just another wanker on drugs.  But I like to think the former rather than the later ).  Lazy humpers get their asses kicked.  So what is the response to the above barbarian threat?  Don’t stop being lazy, oh no.  Don’t reject luxury by any degree whatsoever, oh no.  Buy your way to countering the threat.  Spend money on magical talismans to protect you. 

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Do you think a true warrior fears your Big, Bad, Mighty And Righteous M-16 Killing Machine?  Does he care that you have mega pouches full of ammunition?  Your dumb ass can be taken down by a rock, because you’ll be so scared of fighting, never having done it before, that you’ll be focused on frantically searching for a target through your Grade A optic on said  plastic poodle shooter.  A true opponent, understanding that you don’t fight against strength but weakness, will use tactics that nullify any advantages your weapon has.  Now, very few of us can justify taking up a life of crime or becoming a mercenary to get combat experience.  Hell, most of us are getting to the crusty old bastard stage.  But the worst thing you can do about your inexperience is to add pussyness on top of that.  If you are toughened up to a degree, in shape and adjusted to some hardship, you have a heck of a lot less of a learning curve come the Killing Time.  Combat virgins who wallow in luxury and can’t stand the thought of discomfort?  They are walking dead men and don’t even understand why.

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A Marshmallow Man justifies his weakness.  He is working smarter rather than harder.  Not for him burning thousands of calories chopping wood when stored carbon fuels are up for the task.  But what has he missed?  The learning experience of deprivation.  The training to forego luxury.  He is following the multitude of fat, soft and lazy lemmings over the cliff.  No shame, as our whole lives we have lived under the assumption that brains alone was a survival mechanism.  And it was.  And it will be, until it isn’t.  Then you need to be less of a Dilbert and more of a Hagar.  But you need practice, don’t you?  I know you are smart enough to see that.

END

Please support Bison by buying through the Amazon ad graphics at the top of the page.  IF YOU DON’T SEE THE AD, DISABLE AD BLOCK ( go to the Ad Blocker while on my page and scroll down the menu to “disable this site” ). You can purchase anything, not just the linked item. Enter Amazon through my item link and then go to whatever other item you desire. As long as you don’t leave Amazon until after the order is placed, I get credit for your purchase.  For those that can’t get the ads because they are blocked by your software, just PayPal me occasionally or buy me something from my Amazon Wish List once a year.  Pay your author-no one works for free.  I’m nice enough to publish for mere Book Money, so do your part.*** 
*Contact Information*  Links To Other Blogs *  Land In Elko*  Lord Bison* my bio & biblio*   my web site is www.bisonprepper.com           *wal-mart wheat
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ten year gore warming

TEN YEAR GORE WARMING

I don’t know if any of you picked up on my subtle hints in my writing, but I’m not overly fond of most people.  Sure, if you bought a strange dude a beer and sat down with him and let him chew on your ear for a time, nine times out of ten he turns out to be a swell fellow ( ten percent will always just be asswhores ).  Most folks are just like us, in general disappointed with life but still determined to make the best of it, accepting the wife will usually weigh in on the heavy side, the kids won’t do anything in their life past play on electronic devices and their only true friend will keep up and dying on them as a dog usually won’t live past about a dozen years.  The problem usually comes about because one, you refuse to buy strangers beer and two, you keep picking the ten percent.  So you just accept that people suck and try not to have too much interaction with them.  So, I don’t have too many folks I can poll on important issues of the day.  It is hard to find a consensus when you can chat up a whole two people.

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Talking to a couple of long term residents here ( three decades give or take a few years ), I get different answers with weather trends.  One says we’ve never had such a wet winter and the other says we go in ten year cycles.  This is my ninth winter here and all I could tell you is that my norm is one or two snow storms of one or two inches on the valley floors and that is about it.  Except this winter and last, we keep getting storm after storm equaling multiple years worth of snow, EACH storm.  I don’t know if this is Gore Warming or a Ten Year Cycle.  Well, I assume it is Gore Warming, given the other weather trends elsewhere, but I have little way of knowing for sure.  And that brings us to trends and the human ability to forecast them.  Trends and projections, forecasts and reading tea leaves are all like a rectum.  Everyone has one and they ALL stink ( okay, perhaps not one that just received an enema, was scrubbed multiple times with a strong soap and was sprayed with a dash of strong cologne, but as a general rule that area never smells very nice ).

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Humans are pretty good at ignoring anything that would create extra work for them, making poor decisions and in general only using their brains as much as they have to.  Look at our glorious leaders doubling down on derivative bets, quite willing to exchange a global super depression for a few personal fortunes.  Of course, having said that, it does absolutely no good to expect anything to change.  Human nature always shines over idealism.  So, knowing everyone, or at least close enough to everyone to make it a near mathematical certainty, are lazy and intellectually dishonest with themselves, why do we even bother with trying to discern truth by studying the teachings of others?  We keep trying to cash out the culture card and are getting an error message.  Culture is THE best tool we have for passing down wisdom without the need to re-invent the wheel.  So we blindly follow the custom of listening to Very Learned Individuals as we seek the One True Way. 

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But if that cultural institution is dysfunctional, we are wasting our time, aren’t we?  Yet most of us persevere for the simple reason we don’t know what else to do.   We can’t go by eyewitness accounts, boots on the ground, as everyone will show their rectum.  And each will be a little bit different.  Laziness and prejudice will color even something as simple as observing daily life.  If folks can’t agree on the general condition of the weather over time, how can they handle anything analytical?  It is little accident that the general feeling of non-tribesmen is that those strange ducks the liberals ( to encompass tree huggers and Politically Correct types and others of said ilk ) are using Gore Warming as a political tool to control them, as their science has all the legitimacy of hidebound geriatrics rigidly adhering to the Flat Earth Theory and the Earths central location in the universe.  When you don’t have very many solid facts, merely computer models, data clearly manipulated and a religious level fervor that a consensus makes for a solid scientific foundation, is it any wonder you are mocked and ridiculed? 

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It doesn’t matter if I believe them, not because but in spite of their methodology, because I also assume any opposing their views are guilty of the same emotional knee jerk reactions and assumptions.  You can’t give credence to very many people or viewpoints anymore, and for a very simple reason.  Everyone is fighting everyone else for that shrinking slice of pie, and that generally combative stance colors everyone and everything they do.  With everyone having an agenda, why believe anybody?  If humans have no compunction towards killing men, women, children or geriatrics to survive themselves in times of contraction, why is it so hard to believe they will lie, lie by omission, lie by a lazy intellect or simply lie for profit?  Lying is no where near as bad as murder, so you should assume a lower barrier of entry by its practitioners.  So how do you come about any conclusions, theories, viewpoints or personal forecasts to bet your life on? 

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You can’t just listen to one person, or group that worships that person.  You need a lot of information, a lot of teachers.  And you can only go with the one who makes the most sense.  Who uses the least sloppy methods of analysis.  And THAT is no easy task because then you must question your own assumptions to see if you are lying to yourself and are just finding facts to prove how smart you are to yourself.  Beware the sacred cows you worship. 

END

Please support Bison by buying through the Amazon ad graphics at the top of the page.  IF YOU DON’T SEE THE AD, DISABLE AD BLOCK ( go to the Ad Blocker while on my page and scroll down the menu to “disable this site” ). You can purchase anything, not just the linked item. Enter Amazon through my item link and then go to whatever other item you desire. As long as you don’t leave Amazon until after the order is placed, I get credit for your purchase.  For those that can’t get the ads because they are blocked by your software, just PayPal me occasionally or buy me something from my Amazon Wish List once a year.  Pay your author-no one works for free.  I’m nice enough to publish for mere Book Money, so do your part.*** 
*Contact Information*  Links To Other Blogs *  Land In Elko*  Lord Bison* my bio & biblio*   my web site is www.bisonprepper.com           *wal-mart wheat
*Link To All My Published Books
* By the by, all my writing is copyrighted. For the obtuse out there

long term thinking 2 of 2

LONG TERM THINKING 2

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After a readers comment, I looked up how old my original dried hot dogs were.  Surprisingly-time flies as you careen towards the grave-it was a year ago.  So, taste test time.  The dog loved them-which proved nothing.  I ate about one links worth and stopped due to the salt overload.  But I didn't get sick from it, I just had a bit of a tender stomach from it. Which, given my heartburn, was as expected.  I've had worse reactions to fresh Slim Jim's.  So, I still call it an edible item after storage, even if you want to eat something along with it and beware the high salt level.
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Briefly, let me just mention the plot device.  Whether is it for a book or for a movie, without a proper plot you do not have a tale for the masses.  Your book might appeal to a niche if you have a bizarre method of presentation or some other gimmick.  If it is an instruction manual disguised as a story you can get away with a weak plot.  But, more often than not, you’ll find a plot, good or bad or indifferent.  The problem here is that you might mistake the plot for reality.  A plot is just a device, a tool.  It isn’t real life.  Nobody wants to read about your life because you are just another mouth breather amongst the other seven billion short bus passengers.  However, if you are portrayed as having a nearly insurmountable obstacle to overcome, and you do so in a convincing manner, and there is a message given subtlety or not to wrap up the whole tale, suddenly your life becomes a Hallmark Movie Of The Week.  And there, my fine feathered minions, is how most people look at the apocalypse.  A plot, any plot, they’ve read or watched uncountable times.

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Here is reality.  Blah, blah, blah, minding his own business, suddenly, boom, he is shot in the head from ambush, soils himself and the family perishes in the flames as the homestead is burnt to the ground.  See, there?  No story arc, no obstacles to overcome.  No background story to flesh out characters, no suspenseful lead up to a climax.  And certainly no happy ending.  But almost everyone preps like their post-apocalyptic journey is out of a novel.  The only ones who acknowledge they won’t live too long after the collapse are the old humpers that have lived long enough to no longer care what happens and are realistic about their odds of survival.  The younger ones ( and this includes those mentally immature since they can’t face their mortality, regardless of physical age ) are in complete denial.  I’m certainly NOT saying your post-apocalypse adventure can’t be a grand one.  Just that only those not paralyzed by their own imminent demise will have a chance of lasting long enough to embark upon one. 

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The simple fact is that most of us won’t survive the die-off.  Which makes you wonder what all your preps are for.  Look, I understand that none of us see the future in the same way.  I look at it like a money back guaranteed total collapse, 99.99? % die-off.  A petri dish collapse ( remember, even the very last reindeer on the artic island died of starvation ).  You probably see less dire happenings ( and by the way, since this is my blog and I’ll cry if I want to, I’m going to keep trying to convince you I’m right and you are wrong.  No offense ).  Only you can decide what is best for you.  Still living in the city?  I’m sure you have plenty of good enough reasons to stay there, so how am I to be a judge?  When I spew in exasperation over any minion still residing in too large of a urban area, obviously you should take into account I’m well versed most of you are not as paranoid as I am ( you simple bastard.  I’m kidding!  Relax, Francis ).  But perhaps I can assume, if you are still reading after a short time, you aren’t one of those Prepper Pussies, only concerned with a few weeks disaster preparedness rather than a far more manly end of the world survivalist?

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Can most of us agree that one years supplies is a minimum and far better to quickly work towards a three to five year stockpile as the new normal?  Myself, I’ve been working towards a five year supply of everything.  Five years of the bare bones, wheat and ammo basically, that is no big deal.  To supply EVERYTHING, that isn’t so easy.  All those clothes and footwear and health care items ( five years of toothpaste, of butt wipe, of aspirin and bandaids and laundry soap and hand soap and medicines and on and on ), all that entertainment and transportation and etcetera, etcetera.  A tough nut to crack.  Certainly it is no where near impossible.  I consider it a worthy goal.  And I think I’m close enough to be done.  But here is my question.  Do I think I’ll use it all?  Hell, no!  I have no illusions of surviving long at all. 

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I’ve only endeavored to stockpile everything I have because 1) what else am I going to do with my money? And 2) if the Fates screw me and let me live, I’d feel foolish for not having prepped accordingly.  But for most of us for whom survivalism is an interest rather than a all consuming hobby, you may not even come close to needing anything other than a bare bones one year stockpile.  If you are going to die anyway, wouldn’t it just be better to do the minimum and them relax ( well, relax except for continuing to read and support your favorite blog here )?  I’m not trying to dissuade anyone from being extra paranoid.  I encourage and celebrate those who rightfully cringe and weep in terror more than would seen necessary.  All I’m saying is that it seems a particularly odd thing that we are all so paranoid to assume the worst, and plan for it, but refuse to match up our planning with our paranoia.

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I’m not trying to encourage the old Cold War mentality of those who lived in the city to die instantly as they didn’t believe surviving was an optimal plan.  I think everyone should go into the light kicking and fighting.  But go in fighting knowing it is futile and you are just trying to take a few of the bastards with you.  A warriors death.  They didn’t fear dying but strove to make their death matter.  So, no defeatism here.  Just a wry amusement at our focus on long term prepping and survival when all we are really engaged in is mental masturbation.  We are living a fantasy of longevity.  If you only have a years supply of preps, and that was hard enough to come up with, perhaps you should just be happy with that.  Not a recommendation, just a reality check.  Strive for the impossible, but realize reality.

END

Please support Bison by buying through the Amazon ad graphics at the top of the page.  IF YOU DON’T SEE THE AD, DISABLE AD BLOCK ( go to the Ad Blocker while on my page and scroll down the menu to “disable this site” ). You can purchase anything, not just the linked item. Enter Amazon through my item link and then go to whatever other item you desire. As long as you don’t leave Amazon until after the order is placed, I get credit for your purchase.  For those that can’t get the ads because they are blocked by your software, just PayPal me occasionally or buy me something from my Amazon Wish List once a year.  Pay your author-no one works for free.  I’m nice enough to publish for mere Book Money, so do your part.*** 
*Contact Information*  Links To Other Blogs *  Land In Elko*  Lord Bison* my bio & biblio*   my web site is www.bisonprepper.com           *wal-mart wheat
*Link To All My Published Books
* By the by, all my writing is copyrighted. For the obtuse out there

long term thinking 1 of 2

LONG TERM THINKING

I hope that by now you have come to the realization that not only do I try to be different than all those other swinging cheese dingus’ out there, I also try to cover topics from other angles or viewpoints.  I love playing Devil’s Advocate, and I love being the Gadfly Of The Survivalist Movement.  It’s good to be different, or you are just one of the lemmings.  I wanted to be a lemming I’d have stayed in a big city and worked my way up some retail chain in management like the evil ex wife #2 desired.  Stupid bitches and their monetary security.  Anyway, so as to not go off on a tangent, it being a super wonderful day ( first day in months the Christmas madhouse excess stopped and I actually was able to forego working overtime ) and I shan’t spoil it for myself, I’d like to look at short term and long term preps from the standpoint of probabilities rather than fantasy, consumerism or hobbyist paradigms.  One of the underlying assumptions I usually go by is Stock It Deep & Cheap.  This was popularly used by the El Supremo Idahoan Yuppie Scum Survivalist Guru to denote pallets of cases of ammunition for the never ending semi-auto arsenal de rigor for The Worthy. 

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Of course, said Guru got a great start doing so in the ’90’s when everything was cheap as the imperial forces flooded the globe with nearly free Siberian oil ( and as such, do not expect said location to gush petroleum too much longer ).  I applaud his foresight, as dumb asses such as myself were too caught up in supporting on grid families to take advantage of that one time bonanza.  Which is exactly what it was, and if you can’t see that after almost two decades I feel sad for you.  There simply cannot be any way to remove your head out of your ass at this point.   You can no longer stock high quality cheaply or affordably.  You must lower your sites to middlin grade preps.  So, my deep and cheap is for such things as wheat berries and thrift store clothes, not thirty caliber ammunition and twenty round magazines ( along with 300 gallon propane tanks and off road motor vehicles and etcetera ). 

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I started out recommending a one year supply of preps.  400 pounds of wheat kernels per person, a grain grinder, a water filter element and a surplus war rifle with some ammunition and a bayonet.  When I first wrote the book on that you could easily do so for under $500.  Now, not so easily.  You can still buy a quality European Mauser for $400, but most other rifles are too expensive and too beat to crap.  Your best bet if extremely poor is to buy the $100 single shot twelve gauge and use it as a procurement gun ( shoot someone with a better firearm, from ambush ).  If you want a new hunting bolt gun, with questionable quality, go back to the $400 figure ( once you pay tax and the $25 Fed Fee, a $300 gun slides a lot closer to $400.  And good luck finding too many $300 ones ).  Wheat is still $100 per head ( assuming free containers ) and you can get both the water filter ( Katadyn, not Berky ) and the grinder ( Corona brand type ) for about $100.  Ammo is no longer cheap, with a minimum of 35cents a round ( one is encouraged to only buy the steel cases if you have an SKS, AK, Mossin-Nagant or for the lucky few who bought them in time, the wicked cool Russian semi sniper rifle-one of my few exceptions to hating on a semi, since it has the ruggedness of an AK, with better accuracy, able to at one time buy 25 cent ammo for it ).

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So, figure $700-$1k for a budget stockpile unless you live in a forest where a shotgun is tactically advantageous.  But here is the thing.  Even with this bare bones budget prepping plan, this Peasant Prepper Plan ( now that the Finances book is complete, I’ll start on the Peasant Prepper book.  Alas, I must contain my excitement and only post a chapter when I’m completely fresh out of other article ideas.  The current book becomes my default article for those days I simply cannot think of what to write.  Therein lies one of my secrets in how I post day after day for years.  My other secrets are usually unknown even to myself.  Short story, don’t get too excited about said publication as I’m stretching out it’s introduction as long as possible ),  I never assumed a one year stockpile was adequate.  It was a great start, and one anyone could do pronto.  But I’ve always held to the belief that twelve months was simply too short of a time frame to prep for.  If the ass is falling out of civilization, how can a mere one harvest time frame be sufficient? 

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Most folks have a very bizarre concept of a civilization collapse.  They spend money prepping, being smarter than the average bear, take shelter as society crumbles, then the Worthies that survived join forces against the evil remnants and smite them, and a perfect society emerges to trumpets and what not.  A few men, those who actually experienced what it was like for an empire to crumble ( the few British authors that wrote realistic post-apocalypse books rather than Cozies ), thought otherwise, but the general folklore has it by Divine Writ that our glorious red, white and blue Yes This Time It Is Different, The Only Empire Ever Graced By God, U friggin S of A will return to its glory days after a purifying fire.  This is clearly looking at the trees in spite of the forest, because energy surplus builds empires, not attitude or gumption or religious fervor or The Right Skin Color.  When the empire is devoid of resources-and we are, except for our current military occupation of the middle east which is not going too great right now ( just because you are pumping the second or third most petroleum doesn’t mean dingus if you need four times what you produce yourself.  Nor does it mean much if all that volume is lower BTU ) -you All Fall Down.  Period, and End Of Story. 

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And what happens then?  We don’t rally round the flag and persevere or triumph.   We become American versions of African Bush Bitches ( reference to Eddie Murphy ).  We become grubbing savages fighting amongst ourselves.  It ain’t pretty and it doesn’t sell too many books or movies, but there you are.  We continue tomorrow.

END

Please support Bison by buying through the Amazon ad graphics at the top of the page.  IF YOU DON’T SEE THE AD, DISABLE AD BLOCK ( go to the Ad Blocker while on my page and scroll down the menu to “disable this site” ). You can purchase anything, not just the linked item. Enter Amazon through my item link and then go to whatever other item you desire. As long as you don’t leave Amazon until after the order is placed, I get credit for your purchase.  For those that can’t get the ads because they are blocked by your software, just PayPal me occasionally or buy me something from my Amazon Wish List once a year.  Pay your author-no one works for free.  I’m nice enough to publish for mere Book Money, so do your part.*** 
*Contact Information*  Links To Other Blogs *  Land In Elko*  Lord Bison* my bio & biblio*   my web site is www.bisonprepper.com           *wal-mart wheat
*Link To All My Published Books
* By the by, all my writing is copyrighted. For the obtuse out there

more homemade MRE's 2 of 2

MORE HOMEMADE MRE’S 2

As I was saying before being rudely interrupted by my word count cut-off, previous attempts at homemade MRE’s mostly consisted of Top Ramen and peanut butter.  The original recipe, handed down to me on his death bed by a loyal minion, was peanut butter mixed with oatmeal and Tang drink powder.  This way you got protein, whole grain and vitamin C.  There is nothing wrong with this one, other than the peanut butter being a vegetable rather than an animal protein ( despite what well meaning Birkenstock wearers maintain, your body knows the difference if it is getting bunny food protein, or bunny flesh.  Just because the amino acids are supposedly the same in both grain/legume combination and dead animal doesn’t mean your body prefers/is satisfied with either.  Most of us follow our evolutionary path towards the BBQ pit-our brains developed and are optimized with animal protein.  You can survive off of plant protein.  The wheat survival stash is predicated on this.  But if/when possible, get that animal flesh also ). 

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My addition of Top Ramen packs in no way improves on the original recipe.  White flour replacing whole grain oats is a step down, not an improvement.  The only thing is does better is allow instant consumption with no preparation.  You can dig into your pack on the move and continue eating without stopping ( eating the Top Ramen uncooked ).  Then at night and at breakfast you can eat the peanut butter by itself, as well as cooking the brick of Ramen and adding the flavor pack.  Don’t get me wrong, Top Ramen sucks ( as does oatmeal-but that is just me having been force fed it as a child.  Along with those damn cooked veggies.  Give me a raw veggie, and I’m happy.  Oatmeal, however, I’ve never really recovered from.  I can eat bread for breakfast uninterrupted for years at a time.  Oatmeal, I cannot ).  But it is cheap and filling and can be eaten raw or cooked.  So it is a trail food.  The oatmeal is also, but the Ramen is simply more versatile on the run.  It wouldn’t be the worst idea to have both.  Oatmeal for breakfast, Ramen for your other two meals.  Either can be cooked or eaten raw if necessary ( although you do need to mix the oats with the peanut butter if you can’t cook it ).  But here we are NOT concerned with the optimal survival stores food.  We are just talking about short term field rations.  So variety isn’t as important as a simple calorie rich affordable ration.

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And affordability is very important here.  Which is why jerky is not an option in our homemade MRE.  Whole wheat hardtack ( or its improvement, which I’ll cover shortly ) and jerky, with Tang to drink, would be a far more ideal MRE.  But it wouldn’t be all that much cheaper than a commercial ration.  Oh, sure, you could get a roast on sale.  They just had beef at $2.99 ( at Krogers, the new and improved Low Cost Leader.  Piss on Wal-Mart, those rectal ranger sum-bitches and their higher prices with lowered quality.  Go bankrupt already and stop embarrassing yourselves ).  Then you have about a $5 MRE.  Tastier, and healthier.  Than either a regular MRE or my lower cost alternative.  But, remember, short term rations.  Health is secondary, while I place affordability with minimal quality sacrifice in first place.  So let’s go with a $2 MRE ( you could have a 25cent MRE if you just went with a pounds worth of flour, but while frugal I’m not completely cheap.  Field rations, optimally, need protein.  Hence the higher cost ). 

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Remember those dried hot dogs I was telling you about?  There is your protein.  A ( by now reduced sized container ) jar of peanut butter is about two thousand calories.  You can buy one on sale for about a $1.50.  So, a buck gets you 1300 calories.  On sale, a 12oz pack of chicken/mystery meat hot dogs goes for a buck.  800 calories.  You get 60-70% of the calories per dollar, but it is animal flesh verses plant protein ( okay, I don’t know how much is flesh and how much is filler, such as cellulose as in sawdust, but close enough for government work here ).  In the field, stress and heavy workloads, plus being exposed to the elements, you want to maximize your nutrients, not minimize.  Hence, animal flesh over simple carbs.  Dried hot dogs are the cheapest animal flesh you can pack ( you might find canned fish on sale, or you might not.  I’m sticking to the widely available meat ).  Cut into nickel size pieces, and dry for about a day.  Do NOT use beef dogs.  They are too fatty, and you can’t dry fat.  You just have a food that goes rancid much quicker ( the one thing going for the peanut butter was fat content.  Being hydrogenated, it doesn‘t go rancid very quick ).

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The difference here from the old homemade MRE’s is that you now have a commercial food air dryer.  At $40, they are almost a requirement.  Granted, if this is all you use it for they are not worth the cost.  But if you have access to cheap fruits in season they are well worth it.  Another item you can dry is slices of bread.  They will not be reduced in volume, but they will last a very long time without moisture.  They are like a giant crouton.  If the thought of Top Ramen sickens you, just go with dried slices of bread.  At around 100 calories a slice for whole wheat, it doesn’t take too many, added to the pack of hot dogs ( at 100 calories a link ), to make a 1500 calorie MRE.  If space is a consideration, just beware Top Ramen is almost 400 calories a brick so it won’t take up as much room as the bread.  But dried bread is a much better carb filler ( whole wheat and white have the same calories, but whole wheat is far more filling and satisfying to your body.  It is the animal protein to peanut butter of carbs ). 

*

The author that introduced me to dried hot dogs maintains that they have about a two year shelf life.  I have no reason to doubt this, but to make sure you can just replace them every year.  Just take them for lunch one work day and replace.  It was a friggin buck, for goodness sakes!  MRE’s at room temps really don’t have much more of a shelf life anyway ( as far as nutrients go ).  And I know you could argue that with the cost of a food dryer, the homemade MRE’s are just as expensive as commercial units.  Which is why I said not to buy the dryer unless you’ll get extra use out of it.  Just like you don’t add the cost of your car mileage to the price of a case of MRE’s you go pick up at the UPS depot.  If you are unsure if this is right for you ( if you are unsure if you should invest in a dryer ), slice up a pack of hot dogs now, in the winter when running the oven costs nothing extra ( it will fill in for your heater running ), and place in the stove at the lowest temperature with the door cracked open.  After drying for a day, allow to cool and taste.  To my mind, they taste nothing like the nasty budget hot dogs they actually are.  It is like the taste difference between a fresh and a dried apple.  Enjoy.

END

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more homemade MRE's 1 of 2

MORE HOMEMADE MRE’S

I believe I’ve covered homemade MRE’s at least two if not three times before, but I’m also sure it was several years ago since the last time.  This constitutes an almost impossible to ignore requirement that I beat on this dead horse just a little bit more.  Of course, I don’t just write the same darn article with different words.  New prices, new techniques, new ingredients.  Hey, never a dull moment here at the Bison Headquarters.  I don’t want to be like American Survival Guide including both a severe weather survival article AND an overpriced super ninja semi-auto plastic carbine in every issue ( this was the old school magazine, barely making it past Y2K before going under.  The periodical has revived itself, but at $8 or $10 an issue at the newsstand, I for one refuse to see if it is worth my time or money.  I understand paper isn’t cheap anymore-witness how much a simple daily newspaper is going for [ although, hint, bribe your congress critters to legalize hemp-undoing what your syphilitic anal pirate Hearst &Co. did in the first place-and you might find raw material closer and cheaper than bark beetle damaged pine or Canadian boreal virgin wood ]- but when most of your cover price is going to the distributor who has huge waste to factor in with cost, I don’t think I should subsidize those kinds of practices ).

*

No, if you tune in to the flagship of my vast publishing empire, you get New And Exciting every single weekday ( well, okay, as new and exciting as I can possibly make it ).  Prior to this I’ve regaled you with wild adventures down your supermarket isle in search for cheap calories and protein in the vain search for that elusive replacement for everyone’s number one military taste treat, the Meal Rejected by Ethiopians.  Now, I have no problem with MRE’s.  I ate C-rations in Basic, leftovers from one or two decades previous.  Just as our training rifles were M-16A1’s, relicts from a bygone conflict, so were our rations.  The Army was of course in a huge hurry to put us in the newest and by no means improved field uniforms, but everything else was old, from the Jeep’s ( not your Yuppie Scum Grandparents civilian Jeep, now partially owned by the I-Talians, but the original Willies ) to the sidearms. 

*

Those MRE’s that came out just when everything else was being replaced ( not necessarily from need but from the huge Reagan military budget increases )?  They tasted just like the C-Rats.  Both of which were just marginally better tasting than if you opened up a can of beef hash and ate it cold.  MRE’s aren’t really bad for what they were meant for.  A days worth of calories ( okay, you might need two or three if you were really burning energy digging foxholes and directing drones to wedding parties-but one would do in a pinch ) which was compact as it was mostly fat and animal protein.  The taste isn’t even really an issue.  Out in the cold, camping with an attitude as it were, they were fine.  The problem came from eating them, and little to nothing else.  They bind you up pretty darn good.  In fact, if you are worried you’ll soil yourself in the stress of combat, I would wager that eating MRE’s should put your mind at rest.  My first prolonged ingestion of MRE’s led to a weeks constipation.  And of course, this being how the Fates plan such things, when I finally was able to relieve myself, WAYYY out in the boonies off road/off grid, wouldn’t you know it but the only vehicle seen that night/week shows up as I’m hovering over my cat hole, causing me to finish prematurely and leading to further days of agony and discomfort ( the vehicle was far away, but you try gauging distance peering over brush and being preoccupied answering the call of nature ).

*

All this of course was thirty plus odd years ago.  I have no idea how the military rations have changed.  If there is more variety and an improved taste, I would be surprised.  The military has been a bellwether on many issues.  They were one of the first to integrate the races ( in my view, not very successfully-it is about different cultures, not different colors ) and one of the first institutions to go Politically Correct.  They were ahead of many in instituting the Office Politics you see from your cubicle.  They are also leading the country in changing all things for the worse rather than for the better.  I think it is safe to imagine that even without having Hands On any of their new gear/equipment, I can safely say nothing has improved except by accident ( certainly not be design ).  But, again, taste isn’t really a huge issue.  If you can choke it down, mission accomplished.  No, my problem is mostly about the cost.

*

$7 for one MRE?  Are you joking?  Does it even have 1500 calories?  I understand a lot of Me Too Mini-Me quick buck artist companies sold ( or are still selling ) MRE copies that only had a pathetic 800 calories or so.  Just to cover metabolic functions and have enough energy to NOT cannibalize your body, you need 1500 minimum.  And I’m sure that those calorie deficient units sold for pretty much the same cost as better designed ones.  I think at Y2K you were paying $4-$5 an MRE, if memory serves.  But today they are $7.  Not as bad as some food inflation ( wheat kernels more than doubled ), but still too steep to indulge in bulk buying.  I don’t even know if I could stomach the cost for a single case of a dozen.  That is some expensive food ( freeze dried is even worse ).  They are great for bugging out and when under light/smoke discipline, granted.  But you should be able to feed yourself much better, much cheaper. 

*

I’ll be the first to admit my previous ideas sort of sucked.  Too much refined carbs, little fat and no animal protein.  Mostly it was peanut butter and Top Ramen packages.  The price was right, but the food was inferior.  I think we can do better this time.  More tomorrow.

END

Please support Bison by buying through the Amazon ad graphics at the top of the page.  IF YOU DON’T SEE THE AD, DISABLE AD BLOCK ( go to the Ad Blocker while on my page and scroll down the menu to “disable this site” ). You can purchase anything, not just the linked item. Enter Amazon through my item link and then go to whatever other item you desire. As long as you don’t leave Amazon until after the order is placed, I get credit for your purchase.  For those that can’t get the ads because they are blocked by your software, just PayPal me occasionally or buy me something from my Amazon Wish List once a year.  Pay your author-no one works for free.  I’m nice enough to publish for mere Book Money, so do your part.*** 
*Contact Information*  Links To Other Blogs *  Land In Elko*  Lord Bison* my bio & biblio*   my web site is www.bisonprepper.com           *wal-mart wheat
*Link To All My Published Books
* By the by, all my writing is copyrighted. For the obtuse out there

article 2 of 2 today

( article 2 of 2 today )
Netflix now has "Resident Evil :Extinction" on its streaming service.  Here is my review which appeared in my book of apocalypse movie reviews ( available here ).
*

RESIDENT EVIL:EXTINCTION

Rated R, 2007

Milla Jovovich

Okay, this is more like it. Not just some gay fan boy comic book masturbation fantasy

with zombie boobs and firefights with fully automatic weapons, but all that plus a solid

backdrop of end of the world. Well, actually, no zombie boobs in this one and Milla is

strangely modest in this one, showing no nudity. But it was a kick ass post apocalypse

flick. We still have to go through all the Vast Evil Super Duper Corporation intrigues

and a little bit of zombie action, but it is still solidly in the post collapse genre. I’ll skip

all the first and just concentrate more on the apocalypse aspects.

*

The few survivors pretty much stay on the move, as it seems zombies can sense them out

after a time and move in for some tasty human snacks. Alice ( that’s Milla’s character,

the mutated human with super duper powers like psi ability and lots of strength and

dexterity so she can be the super warrior princess- kind of like Xena but more along the

lines of a east European fem terrorist instead of an amazon with a sword ) is puttering

along on her motorcycle which still runs great on five year old gasoline which might be

pushing the realm of possibility, but we are after all talking about the living dead here so

we can take those kinds of things with a grain of salt. She gets a distress signal from a

Salt Lake City radio station. Help, our poor little children need assistance. Now, Alice is

still all super warrior princess wary but she’s also a chick so you know she’s going to get

soft and answer. Well, guys would too, but you would think that a super warrior princess

with psi powers would do a better job. But then, we learn later that her abilities are

mutated at a geometric rate so maybe they just haven’t kicked in yet. Although why it

took five years…

*

Anyway, she walks into the building and an ugly old bitch is in a chair holding a baby.

Now, even without psi powers you could kind of deduce that this fugly bitch is too old to

pop a kid and even if it were possible who in the hell would force themselves to procreate

with this sow. I mean, sure, people are few and far between and you take what you can

get but I’d be beating on the bitch with a two by four trying to abort any fetus. Imagine

trying to love something that ugly. Well, it’s a trap and they take her prisoner. She’s tied

up and one of the guys tries to get a little too fresh, if you know what I mean, and Alice

does a hum dinger of a goal kick on his head and he’s DOA. The others get in a huff

over this and toss her down a hole into the basement where there are zombie dogs in

cages. Take a mean ass dog like a Rott and feed him human flesh for breakfast everyday

and beat him for every lunch, and then after all that get them pissed off and that doesn’t

come close to how mad the zombie dogs are. Of course, she gets all medieval on their

asses and ties them up and anchors them on the floor support beams and they yank the

beams down and Alice runs up the ramp of the collapsed floor with the dogs in pursuit

and the zombie canine eats all the redneck cannibals ( there were human bone litter in the

basement and why else would they lure her in ) as Alice jumps up to the ceiling rafters to

stay out of harms way. Wow, that was a close one!

*

Meanwhile there is a convoy ( put the pedal to the metal Rubber Ducky, and that’s a big

10-4 ) tearing ass around Nevada. You got the big rig hauling a tank full of gas, a

Hummer command vehicle, school bus full of kids, etc. The commander has the butt

hugger cargo pants, pony tail hair, sunglasses and military style cap a’la Linda Hamilton.

But not as nice of a rack and definitely not as mean and kick ass. Only Milla has that

look, she is made to order for female dominance fantasy. There is the two returning

characters from the last movie, the black pimp dude and the soldier dude. The gas hauler

is a Texan ( who else? ) that drawls and oozes cowboyness. Some real life rap bitch

plays a small part, being pimp boys main squeeze. Of course, early on at a hotel stop to

search for gas and food and ammo pimp daddy gets bit by a zombie as they are clearing

out rooms. Soon afterwards rap bitch gets pecked by hundreds of zombie crows. So, true

to Hollywood by-laws, the African-Americans are some of the first to die. Don’t ask me

how they allowed him to survive for a sequel.

*

The convoy is attacked the next morning by all those crows. Since they have been

chowing down on infected flesh they are now zombie crows, and there are hundreds of

them. In a really cool scene, crossing Hitchcock with an acid dream gone wrong, the

crows attack the vehicles. We want your flesh! Peck, peck, fly into window screen, etc.

This is when Alice shows up and does her super duper power thing and creates a huge

fireball and cooks all the crows. You, go, girl! Way to show up after the darkies are

dead. Well, pimp daddy is still hanging on, but you know his time is running out. It is

only a matter of time before he goes zombie berserker. They head for Las Vegas as the

only place left for gas and supplies, but Evil Umbrella Corporation is tracking her ( from

the disturbances in The Force, okay only kidding- in a detected disturbance from her Psi

Powers ). They fly in a cargo container chock full of Corporate Stoolie Zombies. The

convoy stops, deass the vehicles, zombies burst from the container. I mean, there are a

crap load of these dudes. They must have been stacked three deep. Big firefight, Milla

kick boxing and doing some chop suey stuff with her two Super Machetes, great zombie

slaughtering fun. Most of the convoy dudes are dead, the few left track the corporate suit

as he hauls ass away from the zombie crate ambush. They crash his compound with a

driver going jihad with dynamite ( its okay to suicide bomb if you are Christian ), steal

the chopper and the last convoy dudes and kids go flying off into the sunset towards a

hypothetical safe zone. Again, a bit unrealistic, expecting the gas tank to go from Vegas

to Alaska, but after so much mayhem and destruction you can let it slide. From then on

it’s just underground super zombie hunting action and then a happy ending to the trilogy.

*Genre Rating-very good. Total end of the world with foraging for the only supplies.

*Nudity Rating-pretty damn poor. Just teasing swift glimpses. Disappointing

*Overall Rating- recommended. Much better than its predecessors. A very good

apocalypse flick with minimal fantasy/video game interruptions. Enjoyable for repeated

viewings.